Oh yeah, this is what the fuckin' world needs (sarcasm). Christ, the worst thing about this CD is that I actually want to hate it more than I do. From a songwriting standpoint it ain't that bad for what it is, but fuck these kids and fuck their fuckin' retarded lyrics. I knew from the minute the first track kicked off with the line, "Damn right that slut's my bitch she fuckin' sucked my god damn dick," that this was gonna be a serious load of obnoxious horseshit. It's been said that the newly popular brand of screamo/metalcore is on some level the cock rock of a new generation: A hollow, watered down brand of music devoid of any valuable content that, at best, is a potential gateway towards true underground music. Well, with 10 tracks whose sole message is one of sex, drugs, rock 'n' roll, and more sex, these champions of the horizontal waltz are about as true to that theory as I've ever encountered. Hell, the second track, "100 Proof Woman", ends with about 30 second's worth of ass-slappin' porno sounds and moaning galore. Lovely. The ironic thing is that if these dorks are "gettin' some ass" now, then their master plan has worked, because I guarantee you they weren't scoring shit before they formed this would-be-hot-shit little hipster band of theirs. And I just can't hang with that whole womanizing attitude. It's bullshit and it's not funny, so even if they're trying to be silly and over the top and just revel in raunchy nonsense, I'm not into it, and they've ruined an otherwise decent CD. So why am I reviewing it? I don't know, because I felt like ranting, I guess. And because, sadly, as I said, the songs aren't so bad. It's the lyrics that kill it. The music is basically a blend of lightweight cock rock riffs and jarring, acerbic metalcore with a decent balance of simplicity and chaos, melody and abrasiveness. Mildly annoying? Sometimes. And the vocals? Yeah, the dude's not that great, sometimes his half-yell/half-speak thing isn't cutting it, especially when he does some pseudo rhythmic vocal patterns over a weird glam metal run meets chunky groove (as in "One Track Mind"). But whatever. I'd also suggest beefing up the recording a little bit as it's somewhat thin, though it's listenable. Turn up the bass, thicken the guitars a touch, etc. You'll be fine. The layout's mostly made up of bright colors and wild text arrangements with lots of pictures of girls in lingerie and all that - but don't forget the massive inner booklet foldout spread of the band in all their tragically-desiring-to-be-hip-glory. I'd love to quote more lyrics, because I assure you there are some mind-numbingly atrocious sights to behold, but I've wasted enough time on these nerds. "You Gotta Stop and Smell the Roses" is a spectacularly written song for this particular style of screamy metalcore, so it's a shame these sex starved cabbageheads have yet to mature past their early teens. Hell, they could very well still be teenagers for all I know. And hey, if you pre-ordered the CD you'll get a free Fight Paris condom. Yep, that's right, they're pullin' out all the stops with this shtick, eh? Dear Fight Paris: Don't give all those condoms away... 'cause you should fear disease, you morons. P.S. If I want to listen to cock rock, I'll pull out my Skid Row, Bulletboys, and Bang Tango records, man. That age is fuckin' dead.
[Trustkill]
Running time - 45:37, Tracks: 13
[Notable tracks: Complete Heat, You Gotta Stop and Smell the Roses]
Trustkill Records - http://www.trustkill.com
