Review: Cockdeath “The Passion of the Cockdeath” CD

Strike one: The band is called Cockdeath. Strike two: They spelled the name of their fuckin' label wrong (it's "millennium", not "millenium"). Strike three: They're a noise/drum machine grind duo and they use generic samples of both porn and white power skinheads in the first track. Did I mention that the band name is fucking Cockdeath? What the hell, guys? I'll lay it down for you like this: If your band is called Cockdeath, I have no interest in your music. Period. You could record some of the most killer tunes ever, but unless you're actually really fucking hilarious, you throw the name Cockdeath on there and I'll want nothing to do with it. That shit's just plain silly. And I don't really know if these two dudes are trying to be so funny or not. They call their work "concept albums", but they record in their living room and combine everything from harsh noise and blasting lo-fi grindcore to weird clean passages with spoken/whispered vocals or ambient techno-ish crap. Each song is over six or seven minutes long and follows no logical structure whatsoever. For example, it's generally something like this: Start with noise stuff, quick shift to grind stuff, fade over to chilled out stuff, gradually shift into a noise/grind hybrid. Do I need to bother mentioning that the recording is weak? Like I said, they record in their living room, you know? Some people can pull that off, but rest assured Cockdeath does indeed sound raw and unpolished. Thin and crispy direct line guitar tones, uneven mixes, hard to decipher low vocal growls, overpowering drum machines and distorted basslines, etc. No lyrics are included but what I can make is uninteresting, the samples don't seem to correlate to any larger "concept" (sans recurring themes of religion, of course), etc. I mean, okay, this is a three-track EP that opposes religion. Probably 90% of all metal related music opposes religion, so what's the point... especially when there's no unifying theme or progression here, it's just a random jumble of riffs and sounds and samples that sometimes apply to that one larger idea of religion being dumb or whatever? The CD-R comes in a color xeroxed sleeve with artwork lifted from old religious paintings and stuff, so despite being crude it almost looks cool until you open it up and realize that the band is called Cockdeath. Call me an asshole, I don't care, but show me one person that actually likes this and I'll show you a person that's either friends with the band or has absolutely terrible taste in music. Sorry guys, back to the drawing board, because this band need not exist.