The Judas Cradle "Too Bad They're All Dead" CD
[Eulogy]
No thanks. Derivative metalcore crap that hits all the generic bases and has nothing involved that really makes me give half a rat's ass about it. Hoarse, screaming vocals? Check. Growling vocals, too? Of course. Weak "death metal" tremolo picking riffs? Bingo. Vicious mosh breakdowns? Got 'em. Crappy wannabe Iron Maiden riffs played with more dissonance? Sure thing. A little bit of weird Swedish styled melody? Why not? Discordant chords and chaotic riffs? Yeah, there's a little of that. Hell, the vocalist even yells, "Bring that shit on, bitch!", right before one of the breakdowns in the first song! Who would've thought!? That kind of thing would give me a laugh if I was listening to a band like Fury of Five that's actually menacing, but in this context it just makes me shake my head and ask myself, "Why is this band signed to a decent label?" I mean, this shit is just boring. I don't even like the breakdowns that much, and how hard is to mess up a few power chords in a heavy, simple pattern? The recording's alright. They've got that in their favor. Sort of. I don't like the kick drum sound, and the guitars are a little dirty around the edges, but I can live with it. If the songs were good I wouldn't really bitch about the production really. It just needs polishing up. I hate the layout on this thing, though. The colors and textures are ugly, the font is ugly, I'm sick of seeing storytelling types of photos of boys in shirts and ties with girls, the band photos look absolutely terrible, etc. I mean, who thinks of this shit, and why does it ever get the green light!? The photos are even stupider because in the one where you see one bloody guy on the floor and another guy holding an axe, there's not even a wound on the guy!? Just some fucking blood!? Morons. They actually put song explanations after the lyrics too, as if a song called "It's Hard to Talk With a Gun in Your Month" needs explaining? (Hint: It's a typical metalcore "love" song.) I really don't know why the fuck bands like this keep getting signed. I guess it's because kids are stupid enough to enjoy this music for some reason. I don't know. I just don't get it. Next. (3/10)
Running time - 40:34, Tracks: 10
[Notable tracks: none of them really do anything for me]
Eulogy Recordings - http://www.eulogyrecordings.com

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