Crotchduster "Big Fat Box of Shit" CD
[Willowtip]
Why the hell did Willowtip even release this crap? Okay, so, the "band" comes at the hands of Jason Suecof from Capharnaum, and Capharnaum rules, but that doesn't change the fact that this CD basically blows ass. I mean, do the math from looking at the band name and album title and you'll know pretty much what to expect as far as the content. Musically it's basically a schizophrenic sort of Mr. Bungle/Weird Al Yankovic/audio "Jackass" take on metal, with everything from high speed technical death metal runs to blasting grind, catchy vocal harmonies and straight old school metal to electronic sounding avant-garde experimentation, or maybe folky acoustic breaks, hip-hop beats, tons of growling and shouting and screaming and spoken passages (like comedic dialogue, basically), straight ripoffs of classic Slayer or Emperor, and plenty more. And that's all fine and dandy, but I'm not amused by the juvenile content at all. Don't get me wrong, I'm not some uptight "adult" dork by any means, I'll throw on Blowfly and love every minute of it, but this ain't Blowfly, you know what I mean? And it ain't that funny. It does have its moments, but they're few and far between, and the music is too disjointed and jumbled to really appreciate either. There'll be a killer riff or a hilarious little interlude here and there, but for the most part it's weak if you ask me. The recording's sloppy, too. The guitars are muddy, the drum machine programming is alright but still comes off as annoying, etc. Some of the vocals are fine, the mocked up classic metal harmonies sound pretty amusing and whatnot, as do some of the deathier growls, but... that can't save the disc at all. The brief melodic solo ala Cacophony in "Let Me Into Starfish Land" rules, I do have to say, but god damn... this is an obnoxious CD. The chorus to "Mammal Sauce" is fucking brilliant, if the entire CD was at that level I'd be singing its comedic praises all over the fucking place without question, but the rest of the disc tends to fall quite short of such a level of entertainment value. And comedic intentions or not, this is an absolutely horrible looking record. By far the worst thing Willowtip has ever touched, and I can't believe for a second that the label let this thing hit the streets looking like this. The artwork is beyond immature, the quality stinks, the typefaces stink... it all does in fact look like a big fat box of shit. Appropriate on that literal level, then. And the "lyrics", dare I call them such? "Smelling her big titties makes my monster arise, Her pussy's winking at me like a wet gooey eye..." Get the fuck out of here with that shit, man. Nope, no thanks. I mean, I feel stupid even reviewing this since it's so obviously a joke, but I don't get it, and I'm not laughing. If it made me laugh that would be one thing, but... it ain't happenin'. This is the only blemish (and it's a sever one) in the entire Willowtip catalog to date. What's the point, really? I mean, damn, this is pretty lame. And 41 minutes? Why? Really... why? (2/10)
Running time - 41:54, Tracks: 9
[Notable tracks: Mammal Sauce]
Willowtip - http://www.willowtip.com

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