Electro Quarterstaff "Gretzky" CDPosted on Tuesday, October 31st, 2006 @ 12:15pm » permalink
87 years from now, some wise sage just may point out that, "Four score and seven years ago, our fathers brought forth onto all continents shredding instrumental metal, conceived in three-guitar harmony, and dedicated to the proposition that all men are not created equal…" Because, you see, Electro Quarterstaff is a special breed of band. A breed of band whose shredding instrumental metal demands the creation of catchphrases such as "I see your Gretzky is as big as mine." (which, unsurprisingly, works just as well, if not better, with their self-released "Swayze" EP) as much as it demands respect, admiration, and the proverbial "throwing of the horns".
Yes, the time of "Gretzky", the all-too-long-awaited Willowtip-released debut full-length from Electro Quarterstaff, is finally upon us – bringing with it eight tracks and more than 50 minutes of unrepentantly sweaty and vocal-free heavy metal. As stated in the booklet: "This is an uncircumcised recording." As stated by the label: "One of the greatest instrumental metal albums of all time." As stated by me: "An album so man-esque, even your lady-friends will grow a pair upon experiencing the brute man-ishness of its testosterone-fueled manhood." For with "Gretzky", Electro Quarterstaff proves that all you need are three guitars, drums, and approximately six hundred and sixty-six riffs per track – only a scarce few of which are appropriated from 1986 – 1988 era Metallica or prime Thin Lizzy. Sure, an insanely impeccable recording meatier than the rack of ribs that tips over the car during "The Flintstones" intro doesn't hurt. Nor does the bizarre yet awesome artwork. And Canadian bloodlines may or may not be mandatory for the equation to complete itself, I'm not sure…
But whatever the case, it's true: This is one of the greatest instrumental metal albums of all time. Therefore, I refuse to further dishonor their supremacy with such pedestrian gibberish. It's time to rock:
Some bands call themselves "thinking man's metal". Well, sorry ladies, but this is "manly man's metal". This is "Chuck Norris' beard metal". And I fucking love it. You know what I'm sayin'? These dudes are supreme badasses of the highest order, and any self-respecting disciple of the riff owes it to themselves, and to the sheer might of the band, to purchase this record: