| November 14, 2005 - NOTICE |
I'm taking a hiatus from writing "real" reviews, so I'm only updating the mp3 blog right now - every couple of days or so if all goes well (with both new and "classic" releases being covered). If you're not satisfied with a potential write-up in the mp3 blog, don't send me any promotional material right now. If you'd be cool with a write-up in the mp3 blog and want my address, get in touch and we'll take it from there.
Thanks, and I'm sorry.
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| October 20, 2005 - MORE PATHETICALLY EMO THAN MEMBERS OF THE PROMISE RING AND DASHBOARD CONFESSIONAL FIGHTING OVER A HANDKERCHIEF TO WIPE AWAY THEIR POUTY TEARS AFTER SPILLING MILK ON A BRAND NEW CARDIGAN SWEATER |
Anyone who spends a comparable amount of time to myself reviewing music reaches a point where the constant influx of new music (good or bad) starts to deaden their availability to listen to and appreciate the old(er) music they already have. In addition to that, when one's longtime obsession with music amasses a sizeable collection, one must become stricter and stricter when deciding what makes the cut in terms of finding a worthy home on a storage shelf when space constraints are rather limiting.
Over the last six years I've definitely hit a few walls in terms of burnout/lack of enthusiasm, and as anyone who has been reading these updates over the last few months can likely ascertain, it's definitely at its worst lately. Certainly unfortunate as the site has been getting more and more traffic in the last year, but to be totally honest I'm barely hanging onto it as of late. It's just started to get to this point where, beyond significant time deficiencies, it's becoming harder and harder to justify spending so much time reviewing material that I end up passing off or stuffing in drawers because I know I'll probably never listen to it again. And this even applies to some really good records! It's weird, because I've never been one of those "living in the past" people at all, and I'm still not, I'm still constantly looking for solid new and current music - but at the same time, for the sake of example, am I ever really going to listen to a band like Splatterhouse when Carcass' "Symphonies of Sickness" exists? Every time I finish reviewing a record and it comes time to make the file-it-in-the-racks-or-stuff-it-in-a-drawer decision, I'm really having to heavily consider such questions these days.
The first option that everyone offers forth when this situation creeps in on me is that I should "hire" other "writers" to ease up my own workload. But the plain truth of the matter is that outside "help" is simply not an effective option here. This site would not be what it is, and would not be what those who enjoy it appreciate it to be, were anyone aside from myself involved with the content. That might sound arrogant and shortsighted, though I assure you it is not intended to be, but I have a very specific way of going about things, and I think my approach is very characteristic of this site, and there's simply no potential contributor out there that's going to be able to mirror that - especially if they're being asked to review all of the shit that I'm not particularly interested in covering myself!
So where does that leave me? Yeah, I could take a break for awhile. Or I could kill the site flat out. I don't know what to do. Deep down I don't think I want to quit the site, but the thought of writing reviews is quite a tedious chore right now. I'm still trying to press on, to get a couple of reviews done here and there, but the core drive behind that is that I've always kind of put this strict obligation on myself to the people who submit material for review. For the first few years of doing the site I reviewed everything. Everything. No exaggeration. If it showed up in my P.O. Box, it got a review on the site. Done deal. Looking back, I have no fucking clue how I did that for two to three years. But despite most people having been really understanding of the fact that I'm now a lot pickier about what I cover, I feel a pretty massive sense of guilt over the fact that there are probably around 100 - 150 items sitting in my house right now that people submitted for potential review that I'm simply not going to be able to cover. But I feel even more guilty that there are about 100 - 150 items sitting in my house right now that I do like and I do want to honor with reviews. Some of the stuff's been sitting here for two months or more, I just haven't had the time or energy to do anything with it. And it sucks. I'm telling pretty much everyone that emails me now: Don't submit anything at the moment, because if I snap and decide I just can't do this anymore, I'm gonna feel like a complete chump.
The entire ordeal has made me find such a greater appreciation for all those typical hardcore/punk songs that attack the whole 9:00am to 5:00pm grind. I know, I know, everyone hates working, but lately I can't escape just how depressing the whole cycle really is. And I don't even hate my job. I'm actually lucky to have a moderately tolerable day job, I mean, shit, I've got bills to pay to get by, right? And it's not that I'm lazy at all, it's just that, like so many others, I'm so fucking sick of pissing away the majority of my waking hours doing mindless nonsense that makes other people shitloads of money - especially given that it leaves me with so little time and so little energy to do the things that I enjoy and that I actually give a shit about... things that don't make money! So it's getting to the point where I'm just exhausted, and I barely even enjoy doing those things anymore.
Of course, I don't really give a fuck about making money either, especially off of these little hobbies or what have you. I've always kind of wanted to start a record label, and I actually did once: I released one 7", had some fun, lost a shitload of money, and let it go. I am not a businessman. I don't give two shits about any "business" related practices. I don't care about selling records or making a profit. Fuck yeah, I'd love it if I could do that kind of thing "for a living", but I'm more the type of guy who'll press up 1,000 CD's and give 'em all away rather than trying to break even, that's just how I am. Fuck paying to get bands on Ozzfest, fuck Hot Topic, and fuck MTV - I'd just want to get some music out there that I believe in that doesn't seem to be getting enough of a chance.
Maybe I'll give the whole record label thing another shot sometime in the not so distant future if things come together right. I was thinking of adding one of those PayPal donation buttons to the site or something since I've never sold a god damn dime of ad space, but that shit is too much of a hassle and if people wanted to help me out with $1 or something PayPal would take damn near half the shit anyway. I'm about to sell a bunch of CD's and records that I just never listen to in order to try to scrape some money together, though. So I'll see what happens. Maybe I'll lose several thousand dollars and get stuck with loads of CD's to give away to interested parties. Maybe I'll be able to keep things humming along as another hobby or something. Maybe (immeasurable emphasis on that, where it reads basically "Yeah, right! ") in some inconceivable twist I'll get lucky and be able to sustain my finances by releasing records that I love someday, thus avoiding the feeling of pissing my life down the drain at some worthless day job. Maybe I won't do shit. And maybe I'll quit doing record reviews in the process. Hell if I know, but thanks for reading over the last six years.
andrew@aversionline.com
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